Keeping Up
by Klei
Summary: Whoever said it was the seme who always demanded sex? Oh, how troublesome it was for poor Kisame to have to deal with his hormone-prone teenage lover’s constant pleas. KisaIta lemons, crack-ish, failed attempt at humor.


**Keeping Up**

_Whoever said it was the seme who always demanded sex? Oh, how troublesome it was for poor Kisame to have to deal with his hormone-prone teenage lover's constant pleas. KisaIta lemons, crack-ish, failed attempt at humor._

* * *

"Again, Kisame!" the Uchiha ordered firmly, rocking his hips back and forth and pumping the last of his lover's sperm into his body.

"Give it a rest, would you? How many times can you finish in one day?"

"You have a limit?" Itachi inquired with genuine curiosity.

Kisame sighed. "Most people do. Come on, let's take a break already! Aren't you sore?"

"Of course I'm sore. Hn, to act as if that is a limit makes you weak."

"You talk an awful lot more when we're alone than you usually do," Kisame remarked, trying to change the subject.

"Don't change the subject, Kisame. Now, you're going to fuck me again right now, or you lose the position of seme. Got it?"

With another sigh, the Kiri nin continued pleasuring the black-haired teen. The blue man wasn't exactly old, but to be forced through such a strenuous task was becoming more and more difficult. It was great at first, sure, but while his hormone levels slowly toned down, the Uchiha's had completely topped the charts.

"Ah, ah, ah, harder, yes, ah, yes, more, that's, good, right, there…"

* * *

"I can't take it any more, Leader-sama, just give us separate rooms or something!"

"What, the brat getting a little too irresistible for you?" Pein responded with a sigh. "And for the last time, I'm not the leader! That's Madara."

"Yeah, well, you're his right-hand man, so… Give me a different room!"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Because," Kisame growled. "That brat wants sex every minute of every freaking day! He keeps saying that if I don't fuck him then my time as seme is gonna be over!"

The second-in-command sweatdropped. "Any other problems you want to tell me about? Too much money, too much spare time? I'm open for discussion."

"I'm serious! I can't keep up! You know how teenagers are. He's going to be like this for the next few years, too!"

The piercing-covered shinobi scratched his chin. "I can't change your room, but… I can do one of two things. One, you could take a pill that would bring your testosterone up to meet Itachi's-"

"Unless you want us fucking instead of doing missions, that one is out."

"-or we could slip Itachi a drug to bring his needs down enough so that you can both get back to your lives."

The blue ninja nodded. "Yeah, but how do we give him the drug?"

"Any way will work. Here, take this pill and slip it into his drink or something. It dissolves instantly in liquid," Pein replied, reaching into one of his desk drawers and sifting through the various containers before finally settling on a red pill.

"How many drugs do you have?"

"All sorts of them!" Pein chirped. "This one has a paralyzing effect, this one puts the victim through a painful death-"

"And you're SURE this is the right one?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

* * *

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SURE!"

"SORRY!"

_Flashback_

_Kisama dropped the red pill into the Uchiha's drink. It quickly fizzed for a few seconds before vanishing completely._

_"Hey, what did you drop in Itachi's drink? It better not have been expensive!" Kakuzu growled, drawing everone's attention to the cup._

_"Quiet!" Pein growled. "Unless you enjoy being kept awake by Kisame and Itachi's 'antics,' I suggest you shut up!"_

_The group members nodded, immediately understanding._

_The blue man took a seat at the table, smiling as Itachi entered the room. "Good morning, Itachi!"_

_"Hn," the Uchiha replied. He never spoke much outside the bedroom, it seemed._

_As everyone was seated, Pein gave a quick wink to Kisame. "I propose a toast," the pierced man declared, raising his drink. "To all our health!"_

_"We're S-ranked criminals, we don't do toast," Zetsu's white half growled._

_"Fucking imbecile!" Hidan growled. "Toasts are a valued part of religion! To Jashiin!"_

_"Shut up, hm," Deidera said, raising his cup._

_With that, everyone took a sip, including Itachi, who didn't seem to care very much._

_The effect was instant… But not was Kisame had expected._

_"K-kisame?" Itachi murmured, ignoring the hopeful eyes of the others, each one of them praying for it to work._

_"Yes, Itachi?"_

_The black-haired shinobi blushed deep crimson, breathing shakily before pouncing on Kisame. "I need it, Kisame, so much! Please, take me now!"_

_"EH?"_

_The others sweatdropped. "You mixed up the drugs again, didn't you?" Sasori sighed._

_"Yeah, I guess I did," the second-in-command mused, giving them all a nervous smile. Kisame would not be happy with this… And for humiliating him, Itachi would not be too forgiving, either._

_End Flashback_

"SORRY ISN'T GOING TO CUT IT!" Kisame spat. "NOT ONLY IS ITACHI MORE DEMANDING THAN EVER, BUT HE REFUSES TO LEAVE HIS ROOM FOR FEAR OF FACING THE OTHERS!"

"I can't say I blame him," Pein murmured, knowing that he would be no different if he had begged to get fucked in front of others.

"You're right, because it's all your fault! Don't you have a key that lists all the different color meanings or something?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact!" Pein replied, taking out a napkin with colors and words scribbled onto it in crayon.

"…How did you get into a position of power?"

"The same way government officials do. You know people who know people, and you pay them a lot of money!" Pein said cheerfully.

Kisame anime-fell. "Anyway, is there another way?"

"You could always get him a toy or something to satisfy himself. I'm sure Kakuzu will spare you enough money for a vibrating dildo if it means sparing himself your complaining," Pein mused.

With a glare, the blue shinobi left the room and headed off to see Kakuzu.

* * *

"Kisame, fuck me," Itachi murmured, crawling on top of the blue shinobi who was simply staring at the ceiling.

"Alright, but after round one, you're on your own," Kisame said with a sigh as the Uchiha got onto his back beside him, stripping himself completely and spreading his legs. The half-fish unzipped his pants and seated himself between them, releasing his erection and placing the tip at his lover's entrance, leaning down and biting into Itachi's neck.

The black-haired shinobi moaned, licking his partner's face like a puppy, eyes clouded over with need. "I want it, Kisame!"

"Patience, patience." After another few minutes of licking everywhere on his young lover's body that he possibly could, the blue shinobi finally pushed into Itachi's relaxed entrance. "Shit, Itachi… Even after all this, you're still as tight as ever!"

The Uchiha smirked, only opening his mouth when he felt his lover's cock strike his prostate. "Yes! Right there!" he gasped, panting. The seme moved his hips out and in again, thrusting at a fast pace. "Harder! Kisame, a-ah! …So much!" Itachi's legs tightened around his lover's body. "Come on and make me cum. Ah, ah, hah! You can fuck me better than that! YES! Right there! Bang my spot, Kisame! Bang it with your dick! Yes!"

"Damn it, Itachi, you're such a dirty boy, aren't you?" Kisame panted.

The black-haired shinobi tightened up. "Harder! Fuck me harder!" Despite the way he used more words and dropped his emotion-hiding mask, Itachi didn't beg for it. He commanded it. Briefly, Kisame contemplated some dominatrix-style bondage, but immediately decided against it; being chained up in front of a whip-bearing, horny Uchiha wasn't a good idea… Especially if they still had those cock rings lying around…

Kisame felt himself nearing his end. "Are you close, Itachi?"

"Yes, yes, fuck yes! Damn it, it's… AH! Good!"

Mentally, the blue nin found himself feeling proud. It was rare that the prodigy actually said he felt good; more often than not, he was telling Kisame that he wasn't doing well enough. "So tight!"

"That's it, just like that, Kisame! I'm gonna cum! A-ah!" Itachi cried, trying to bite back a loud moan as he climaxed, which only caused it to become a high-pitched whine.

Kisame quickly finished inside the Uchiha after his lover's orgasm, thrusting to completion and letting out a tired sigh as he pulled out.

The prodigy panted heavily. "Kisame?"

"No. I'm not going to do it again, I'm too tired!"

"But-"

The blue shinobi grabbed the bag and passed it to the Uchiha. "Here, I got this for you. It should solve our dilemna. Not as big as mine, but it'll do, right?"

Itachi opened the bag and took out a solid black dildo with a long wire at one end leading to a switch with four settings. "Off," "Low," "Medium," and "High." The Uchiha stared up at his blue lover. "A vibrating dildo?"

_Please accept it, please accept it…_ "Yeah."

"I will… Try it, I suppose."

With that, he licked the head, before easing the plastic rod into his mouth, deep-throating it as if it were real. After a few moments of that, Itachi pulled it out and slowly brought it to his entrance, pressing himself down onto it. "Ah…" he moaned softly, turning the setting onto low.

It was almost a comical site, Kisame thought as he got dressed, watching his lover on the bed with spread legs, fucking himself with a dildo. Only seconds after he had started, the device was already switched to high and he was moaning shamelessly, thrusting the device harder and swapping positions multiple times, trying any that allowed him to reach the dildo and penetrate himself.

Never did Kisame foresee what happened next.

* * *

"Pein-sama?" the blue man growled.

"Yes?" Pein responded, curious as to Kisame's frustration. "What is it? Is Itachi using the dildo I recommended?"

"Oh, he's using it, all right. But now he's too busy with that thing to have actual sex anymore!" Kisame cried, sporting anime-tears. "He's become addicted, and I haven't gotten any for the past two weeks!"

The second-in-command sweatdropped. "You're kidding, right? Make up your mind! You either want it or you don't!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHO WANTS WHAT!" the rogue snapped, pulling out his ridiculously heavy sword.

Pein let out a 'meep' of fear before running away from the angry and horny blue shinobi's wrath.

**A/N And the moral to this story is… Don't do drugs. They might just be getting labeled by Pein. XD Now press the review button down there. Come on, don't be lazy or shy! I can sense your unwillingness to log in and type a few words. Come on, now, you can do it! Write a review! Now. Don't you dare click that back button to look at other stories. You aren't leaving this page until I get a review, and just to make sure of that, I've hacked into your computer and disabled all buttons expect the review one! :D (Just kidding, I don't have that kind of computer-hacking skill… But you'd still better review.) Come on, leave a pity-review, would you? Pity me! T-T If I see any fave alerts that aren't coupled with a review, I shall be angry. :P Constructive critique is welcome, as well. Just be polite.**

**You. Yeah. You. Don't even think about clicking that button, buddy. I see your mouse on the back button. You move that right on down to the review button. Pronto.**


End file.
